(970): I’m sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
(Source: electriclies)
(607): I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
(301): Having a vagina does not stop me from believing my balls are bigger than yours.
(Source: electriclies)
(407): I think I have a pornographic memory.
(954): Don’t you mean photographic?
(407): No.
(847): Reminder- he’s a douche bag. A big one.
(214): Please don’t drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
(313): At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
(706): We can talk tomorrow when we’re both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
(1-706): Where’s it at?
(706): In your pants.
(203): You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
